Someday
by Lindsey7618
Summary: And maybe someday, I'd figure all this out./But right now, I'm trying to make me get through the days./I'm forcing myself to move on even though all I want to do is cry./I want to make it clear that I am not doing this because of anyone but myself. Jace, please, for the sake of your health, don't let Izzy near the kitchen/Maybe I will tell Magnus one thing. Magnus, I love you.


**Okay guys, this is based off the song Someday by Rob Thomas. I love that so much, it's so inspiring and beautiful, and if you listen to that, you NEED to hear Little Wonders. I wanted to put the lyrics here, but since that is banned- a fact that many people tend to ignore or forget- I'll post that on Wattpad.**

 **Also, should I make this a two shot? Let me know, okay? I'm thinking about adding in one more chapter with everyone's reactions when they read the letter from Alec. Also, I should apologize- I'm sorry. This is really sad.**

 **(I'm also posting this as a one shot separately. I wrote this several weeks ago last month.)**

 **My username on WP is Lindsey7618, and the same goes for FictionPress.**

 **Someday:**

Alec stared at the paper in his hand, the one which held his own handwriting.

 _And maybe someday, I'd figure all this out. Maybe I'd be better off somehow._

 _But right now, I'm trying to make me get through the days. I'm hiding. I'm forcing myself to move on even though all I want to do is cry._

 _And maybe someday I could get rid of all my doubt. I could live my life out loud. I could be happy._

 _Sometimes we don't realize how good life can be to us. But lately, that hasn't happened._

 _I didn't want it to end like this. But wouldn't you rather you know when I die, instead of constantly looking back fearfully, wondering if this will be our last night?_

 _I want to make it clear that I am not doing this because of anyone but myself._

 _Jace, please, for the sake of your health, don't let Izzy near the kitchen in her entire lifetime, okay? I love you. You're my Parabati._

 _Mom, I know you weren't- aren't- that happy with my relationship with Magnus. But you still accepted me. I love you._

 _Robert, don't. Don't try to pretend you don't hate me. I know you do. You called me a fag. That was a big sign. I don't hate you, though. You made your decision, I made mine- this is mine. I'm sorry you can't understand things from my perspective._

 _Clary, please, continue to make Jace happy. I know I was rude to you before, but...I really do love you. You grow on people. :) Help Jace watch over my baby sister._

 _Simon, well, I know Izzy likes you. Youre a nice guy. Don't break my sisters' heart._

 _Jace, watch Simon for me. Break his arm if you need to._

 _Maia and Jordan, I like you guys. Or liked, by the time you read this. Watch over my family. Thanks for being nice...people?_

 _And Isabelle…_

 _Izzy, I'm sorry. I love you so, so, so much. You are amazing. I just don't know how I could ever survive without you._

Tears dripped down Alec face and his hands shook.

 _Please, keep Jace safe. Tell Magnus that I am so sorry for what I did. I think what I am doing now is for the best anyway; I don't think I can live with the guilt, knowing what I did to him._

 _I love you all. The only reason I'm not addressing anything to Magnus is because I know he hates me so much he probably wouldn't read it either way, or maybe he would just to spite me, to make fun of me, to show glad he was I was gone._

 _Gone. It's such a funny word, isn't it? So many different meanings, unlike my life, which had no meaning but to protect Mundanes, and even then I was making no difference._

" _The cake is gone because Jace and his big mouth ate it all!" "The cookies are gone because we threw them away, as they weren't edible." "Alec is gone because...because no one cared."_

Alec put his head in his hands. No one did care. He had stomped into the house and through the long hallways until he got to his room, upset because he had started thinking about how worthless his life was. No one had noticed. And he knew they were all home.

So, he had figured, if they didn't notice that, they wouldn't notice him being gone. Permanently. And if no one tried to stop him, it was a sign. He was sure of it. It would mean he was destined to do this. To end this way.

 _I am sorry, honestly. Iz, I love you. I do._

 _Maybe I will tell Magnus one thing._

 _Magnus, I love you._

 _I never meant to hurt him, and I hate myself for doing so. I hope everyone knows that._

 _Goodbye,_

 _Alec._

Alec smiled softly, blinking the tears away. This was right. The only thing tying him to the earth was Magnus. And Magnus was gone.

He had lost him a long time ago.

 **I have one thing to say, and one thing only- I...am so sorry.**


End file.
